unspoken
by shiruru
Summary: sequel to heaven and hell. Zoro and Kuina struggle to come to terms with their relationship and feelings for each other.
1. secrets

_Notes: This story is meant to come after another "heaven and hell." Please go read that one first or this won't make much sense! It follows along the same train of plot, that Kuina is living inside Zoro's sword and she has grown to be the age she would be if she were alive. _

This all sounds really confusing, but I hope that in reading some of the emotions and ideas come through. Even though nobody has had a relationship with a dead person (;;) I hope that the awkwardness and uncomfortable feelings come through realistically enough so that it recalls real-life experience...

* * *

**unspoken: secrets**

The second Kuina spied him coming around the path, she felt instantly brighter. Maybe today wasn't such a bad day after all. Something had been bothering her lately, hovering around like a dark cloud on the horizon. Her mood had been tense and she just had a general feeling that something was amiss. Something had changed.

The sky was gray and electricity seemed palpable in the air. The grasses outside waved in all four directions. The wind was picking up, making eerie creaking noises in the eaves. It all added up to making her feel restless and unsettled. Thoughts gnawing at the back of her mind suggested that the answer may lie in feelings she was ignoring. Kuina dutifully pushed those thoughts aside. They were best left alone.

And so all day she had felt lonely and somber, like the weather playing out across her sky.

But Zoro would make it all better.

She watched Zoro as he walked along slowly. Not looking around, his eyes just focused on the steps he was taking and the path directly ahead of him. She smiled. That was Zoro. Not one to bother himself with anything but what was directly at hand.

She waved, and he seemed to see, but didn't respond in kind. His hands in his pockets, his feet shuffled along like he was moving mechanically. She noticed the way he was carrying himself was not his usual manner. She began to feel concerned, but knew that, of course, any expressed concern would only bother him.

He stopped at the porch.

"Zoro," she said, her eyes smiling. "I'm glad to see you."

"Kuina." he nodded.

"I was bored," she said as she motioned for him to sit.

He half-obliged, choosing to lean against the porch rail. "Bored, huh?"

"Yes," she admitted. "I was waiting."

Silence.

Kuina looked down at her hands. It was funny, these conversations. Communication between Zoro and herself rarely required verbal exchange. Both of them were too serious to rely on words for much. And both of them had known each other long enough that they already knew the answers to the usual questions without asking.

_How are you?_ She wondered to herself, looking him over. His clothes seemed a bit dirtier than usual, his hair sticking out in clumps. Faint traces of shadow under his eyes. She judged that he wasn't taking very good care of himself.

_Are you worried about something?_ His jaw muscle twitched momentarily as he seemed to sense her eyes on him. She saw a vein throb in his forehead. His eye darted towards her and then away. Having seen that indeed, her attention was focused on him, the hairs on the back of his neck began to prickle ever-so-slightly.

"Stop that." He leaned his chin in his hand, looking away.

Kuina blinked, her lashes fluttering against her pale cheeks. "Stop what?"

"Stop that. That thing." The muscles of his neck tightened, as they always did when he was annoyed.

"What thing?" She pried at the annoyance, hoping to reveal what lie underneath. It was always this way with Zoro. She had to pick at him, test him, sift him until she got through to the core. Like digging through sand until you reached water.

"Staring. Stop it." he huffed, his eyes staring off into the distance.

She looked over at him, her eyes narrowing. "Make me."

Zoro turned in surprise. "Excuse me?"

She didn't let her gaze waver, even under his glaring eyes. "Just tell me, then."

He folded his arms in a particularly childish manner. "No."

"Why not?" She gave a rueful laugh. "Not like I'm going to tell anybody...!"

"It's not something I can talk about to _you_."

Kuina took in a quick breath. "What--?" Was there such a thing? She hadn't thought so... before.

Zoro sighed. "Just forget it. It's nothing."

Uncomfortable silence.

Kuina shuffled her feet, straightening her shoulders.

"I said, forget it!" he blustered.

"I didn't say anything." she spoke pointedly, her eyes half-closed.

"I know what you're thinking, though." he grumbled. Her soul was bound to his, hello. Even when she didn't send her thoughts to him, he usually had a good guess. She was transparent, whether she realized it or not.

"Lucky you." She crossed her arms, her tone edgy.

"You don't have to know everything."

She glowered. "But _something_ would be nice."

Zoro fumed, beginning to reach his boiling point. "You don't want to know, okay? Just leave it at that."

"I think I can make my own decisions, thank you."

"Oh?"

"Yes. I don't need some boorish weakling to tell me what I want and don't want." Her tone was scathing.

"Oh yeah?" The edge in his voice rose to match the edge in hers.

"Yes."

"Is that so?" He rose to his feet, glaring down at her.

She stood as well, squaring her shoulders and lifting her proud chin to face him down. "Yes, Roronoa Zoro. That is SO."

"Well, guess what, dammit." His voice softened, looking into her eyes. "That's very convincing..."

His eyes fell to her full, pink lips, his voice barely a breath across them. "But the answer is still no."

"Zoro..." Her eyes began to close slowly, as she felt some strange kind of magnetic pull towards him.

"You can't make me..." he began, then realized what she was doing. He spun away quickly.

Kuina almost stumbled forward, taken by surprise. Instantly she felt her face burn with shame. What had she been thinking?

"I'm sorry!" she bobbed her head in a quick, apologetic bow, the redness of her embarrassment disappearing behind blue-black locks of hair. "I don't know..."

"Just forget it." Zoro's voice was firm, his shoulders tense as he spoke, his back to her. "Just, forget it."

"Yes." She looked down at her feet, wanting to disappear.

"Zoro? Zoro! Wake up!" Distant voices echoed across the sky.

His friends.

"I have to go." Zoro gave her a quick glance in farewell and then hurried away, down the path. He gave her a slight wave over his shoulder before he disappeared from sight.

Kuina sank to sit on the porch, drawing her knees up to hide her face.

_What was that? What have I... done?_


	2. questions

**unspoken: questions

* * *

**

Zoro stepped quietly to the screen door in the dewy morning air, pausing to listen carefully for sounds within. He tapped lightly on the door.

"Kuina?"

Silence.

"Kuina?"

Was she mad at him now? He had been so abrupt before. Maybe her feelings were hurt and now she was going to give him the silent treatment. Again.

He slid the door open a few inches to peep inside. Everything was still and quiet.

"It's me..." he called out, his voice sounding the slightest bit unsure of himself. "I'm coming in."

He slipped off his boots with some effort and placed them near the door, stepping inside the house. The floorboards felt smooth and cold under his feet.

He padded through the front room, looking around. The fire had gone out hours ago but a few embers still glowed beneath the ashes. A pot with a few grains of rice still stuck inside it remained on the stove. A small stack of dishes in the sink, probably from last night's dinner. A plate, a rice bowl, a soup bowl, and...

He bent and picked up her teacup, feeling the weight of it in his hand. It was such a small object, perfectly formed delicate porcelain, easily breakable, yet surprisingly strong. Its unseen weight attested to that. It reminded him of its owner. He wrapped his fingers around the smooth surface. Was this, then, how it would feel to hold her?

His eyes caught upon a book lay next to the sink, with dog-eared pages. He put the teacup down, smiling in spite of himself as he picked the volume up. A kendo book. She must have been reading while she was cooking again.

He let the book fall open to the page she had marked.

"_In any confrontation, one cannot forget the self. The self should be regarded as one's main adversary, and one should always be alert that oftentimes, we ourselves are the ones who cause ourselves to be defeated. Defeat is often found at one's own hands, rather than at the hands of the opponent. Only when one understands this, can we arm ourselves to fight against our very nature. The self is the one enemy we cannot run from, and self-defeat is the bitterest loss to recover from_."

Zoro stared at the words for a long moment, his brow furrowed.

A sound caught his ears from within the house. He put the book down rapidly, trying to place it exactly as it had been.

"Kuina?"

He padded in his bare feet towards the paper screen door, sliding it open.

"Kui--" His voice dropped to a whisper. "na."

She lay in bed still, bundled up in blankets on her futon. Her pillow framed her face, white and soft like a snowdrift. The little blue-black locks of her hair lay about her face, in a gentle tousle. Her cheeks pink, rosy and warm.

Zoro's eyes hungered to take in the sight... but his body was, thankfully, smarter. He stepped backwards through the door and began to slide it shut, unable to help watching through the shrinking space...

She stirred, and opened one eye. Seeing him, her face broke into a gentle smile.

"Zoro." she sighed, her voice feathery.

He stopped closing the door but dared not slide it back open any further. "Aa."

Kuina snuggled under her blankets, seemingly enjoying the warmth. "I was just thinking about you."

Zoro pried his hand from the doorframe. "I'll go," he volunteered. "I'll be back later."

"No, wait!" she replied. "I'll just be a minute."

"No... you should sleep." he admitted. Any dream she had would be better for her than being with him would be.

"I don't want to," she said, pushing her blankets back. "I'm getting up."

Zoro turned quickly before he would see her getting out from under the covers. He slid the paper door closed, thanked himself for the ability to do so even as the performed the task.

He leaned against the doorframe as though guarding her, cursing at himself silently. Here... he kept visiting, kept on coming back for more. Like an idiot. He was like a moth dancing with the flame.

Her sleepy smile...

The rustle of fabric came from within the room. A muscle on his neck twitched in response.

"Are you hungry?" she called out to him as she dressed.

"No."

"Are you sure? Because I could make some tea or--"

"No."

"Okay." Her voice fell soft.

Silence.

He sighed to himself. He was doing it again.

She slid the door open at last. "So. what do you want to do?"

Zoro looked down at her and shifted uneasily. The clothes she had put on looked warm and comfortable, the soft fabric hanging almost boyishly on her slight frame. He tried not to notice how the collar of her shirt curled away from her throat, revealing a peek of delicate collarbone. She was waiting for his answer, trying to appear bright. The smile on her face did not quite reach her eyes, which flickered with hope and uncertainty.

"Outside." he managed to say at last. "Let's go outside."

The sun was rising over the hills as they made their way through the fields. Zoro loped along, not really sure if he felt more annoyed or more sorry for being cold. Kuina pushed to keep up with him, following him down a beaten path through the dewy grass.

"Where are we going?" She asked.

Zoro shrugged. "I dunno."

"It feels nice to get outside," Kuina remarked, looking up at the soft pink and lavender sky.

"Yeah." Zoro took a deep breath of morning air. It felt nice and cool. He felt his body start to relax a bit. He looked over at her, but she wasn't next to him. She was following along behind him.

Zoro stopped for her to catch up, but she stopped too, behind him. He started again, and tried to slow down, to let her keep up, but she didn't step forward the way he expected her to. He slowed a few paces and moved aside for her, a third time, with a growl. "What are you _doing_?"

"What? I'm walking."

"No, you're not, you're..." He tried to stand next to her and she moved again. "Stop that!"

"But this is how I'm supposed to walk, isn't it?" She stood aside, out of the way.

Zoro rolled his eyes. "Now is not the time to be old-fashioned."

"It's not old-fashioned, it's tradition. There's a difference," she sniffed.

"Why bother with it? No one's here to see you." Zoro scoffed.

"That's not the point," she protested. "This is just all I know."

"That doesn't sound like something you would say," he pointed out. "Miss Female Swordfighter."

"True." she agreed. "But, you don't want me to walk like this?"

"Why would I?" he grumbled. "It's creepy. How do I know you're not gonna whack me?"

"I thought you would like it." Kuina looked off into the distance, her voice dropping to a murmur.

"Oh, Kuina." Zoro let out a long sigh. "Just walk next to me."

"All right," she consented. She picked up her steps to keep up with him, walking at his side.

"It's better that way," he mumbled.

She watched his expression carefully. He seemed to be trying to pretend he didn't like having the extra attention. She smiled to herself, satisfied.

_Maybe someday... he'll let me walk with him like a woman, _she thought with a hopeful flutter answering in her chest.

_Idiot. You are walking with me like a woman_, he shot back at her.

_No, it's different._  
_  
Not to me. _

Stupid Zoro.

Bratty Kuina.

Silence reigned. Each of them seemed to decide that both talking time and thinking time were now over. Zoro stuffed his hands in his pockets. Kuina tossed her hair.

Yet they kept walking. Side-by-side.

Zoro watched her carefully, thinking about what could have possessed her to start walking behind him like an old married couple. What kind of thoughts went through her mind all day? What was it she wanted from him, anyway? What was her idea of what they should be like?

"I'm sorry," he said, out of nowhere.

"For what?"

"You know."

"No, for what?"

"For being..." he trailed off, not sure what the word he needed was.

"...Zoro?" she supplied, sounding mischievous.

"Yeah. I mean," he caught it and gave her a sharp glare. "No."

Kuina laughed. "You can't help it. You're weak."

Zoro shook his head and turned abruptly, off the path and across a field. "Gahh..."

Kuina picked her way after him in the tall grass, trying to match his footsteps. His strides seemed to have grown even longer than she had remembered. Had he gotten even taller? How much more was that boy going to grow?

She giggled to herself, thinking that with how much he ate, it should come as no surprise. She looked down at her own feet as she stepped into his huge footprints. She had grown too, but if Zoro grew any more, she would practically be a dwarf to him. She had better try to keep up or she would lose ground.

"What's so funny?" he asked, looking over his shoulder at the sound of her laughter. His face brightened a bit, seeing her happy, and he looked a little less stormy than usual.

"Your feet are huge," Kuina laughed.

"No, they're not. You just have little feet."

"I do not!" Kuina sounded insulted. "They've gotten bigger."

"But you had little feet to begin with." Zoro reminded her, amused that she was getting defensive over the size of her feet. Wouldn't most girls do the opposite? But this was Kuina. And this was the part of her that made her the most fun.

"So." was all she could put back.

He gave a half-smile. "That bothers you?"

Kuina scowled. "No."

"It does." Zoro stopped and turned to face her, his interest growing.

"So what if my feet are small?" Kuina muttered. "At least I'm not a weakling like someone I know."

Zoro almost laughed. Suddenly he seemed like the younger, peskier kid Kuina remembered from a few years back. "But I'd rather be a weakling with a better center of gravity, than someone with little, tiny feet." He pointed at her feet in her little straw sandals. "Look at those."

Kuina and Zoro stared down at her feet for a few minutes.

"There's nothing wrong with them," Kuina sniffed, sounding like she really felt just the opposite. "They're easy to run with."

"But there's a problem!" Zoro pointed out. "The reason it bugs you." He pushed her lightly on the shoulder.

Kuina tumbled into the grass. "Whoa!"

"You lose your balance too easy." Zoro laughed.

Kuina glared up at him from the grass. "You dork."

Zoro smiled, an evil smile. "And yet another advantage to use against you." He grabbed her arm and pulled her back up to her feet.

Kuina shooed the comment away. "Whatever. You need all the help you can get, I suppose."

"What's with you?" Zoro chuckled under his breath. "Most girls would be flattered if a guy said they had small feet."

Kuina looked frustrated. "Whatever for?"

He shrugged as he continued walking. "I dunno how to explain that. Girls like being smaller than guys."

"That's just stupid." She huffed. "Being the same is better."

"Not always." Zoro grunted. "It makes some sense."

Kuina shook her head.

Zoro stopped and took her hand, placing it in his own. "Look."

Kuina stared down at her own small hand in his, studying. He looked on as she did so, waiting for her to comprehend the idea. When she shook her head again, not fully understanding, he stepped closer.

Kuina looked up at Zoro. He was taller than her, yes, but suddenly, being so near, he seemed to tower over her. She could feel the thick muscles of his hand beneath hers, could sense the power in them. As much as she hated it, it was obvious. He was so much bigger than her, and stronger. Yet, even with all of Zoro's size and power, his speed was still incredible, making him all-in-all lethal. Like a tiger. But he was just standing there, looking down at her.

And for once in her life, Kuina knew what it was like to feel intimidated.

He watched over her, quietly. He was thinking to her, guiding her along to what he wanted her to figure out.

_I could hurt you, little girl. _

But I won't.

You're different from me.

_But I'll..._

"...protect." She finished his thought, her voice a hushed whisper. She looked up, excited and hopeful. "Is that it? Is that the reason why?"

Zoro looked at her patiently, as though he were trying to teach a child. "What do you think?"

"I think..." Kuina looked down again, studying his hand. The callouses, the battered knuckles, the deep lines and creases. Suddenly something seemed to have struck her, and her cheeks turned a slight pink. She drew her hand away. "I think that's silly."

She gestured around. "What is there here to protect someone from?" she remarked, sounding cocky. "There's nothing dangerous here."

Zoro's eyes narrowed slightly. Her back to him, she did not witness this, nor did she see the wild flicker that crossed them.

_Don't test me, little girl._

In an obvious expression that she had no idea what she was messing with, Kuina took off through the tall grass, disappearing. Her laughter echoed back to him over the tops of the waving green blades which had swallowed her up. Usually she tended to be serious, but for some reason she felt playful all of a sudden. Maybe it was just being outside together, maybe it was having held his hand. Maybe he had gotten too serious and it scared her, scared her to pieces.

"Bet you can't find me," she called out.

"Kuina, come out!" He sounded extremely annoyed.

"No." The grass rustled with her movement. "I don't feel like it." _I don't feel like letting you think you can tell me what to do._

"I don't feel like playing stupid games." _I don't -do- games. Except... With you. Damn you._

"That's because stubborn boars aren't very good at sneaking around," she laughed. "Are they?"

He rolled his eyes, agitated. "Dammit, Kuina..."

There was no reply.

"Kuina." His voice carried a warning.

"That's it." Zoro stalked into the grass, feeling around for her. "I can't believe I'm doing this."

The sun had risen completely now and warmed the earth. The air felt humid and sweat began to bead on Zoro's brow. He tried to see over the tops of the grass. He tried to sense her location, but she wasn't letting him. She was playing with him. And he didn't like it one bit.

_You don't mess with me like this, _he thought to himself_. Nobody messes with me like this. _

He looked around.

God. Make that, only one person gets away with messing with me like this.

"Stu-bborn bo-ar..." she sang out from somewhere off to the left.

Zoro turned and moved towards where he judged she might be.

"Brat-ty fo-x," he muttered, mimicking her.

"I'm a fox?" He heard her ask. "Why a fox?"

"You're always messing with me like this." He strode towards the direction of her voice. Always teasing.

"It makes you mad, doesn't it?"

Zoro wiped his forehead. "You always know just how to piss me off."

"It bothers you, doesn't it?"

"You always know exactly what will drive me crazy."

"Poor baby... it must be so so sad to be weak AND dumb."

Kuina crouched low in the grass, watching carefully and listening for his movements. She had lost track of him and figured he had fallen for her tricks and gone the wrong way. She stifled a self-satisfied laugh. Serves him right for going around showing off, acting like he was so great just because he was bigger. She wasn't scared of him. Not one little--

Suddenly, something jumped out at her from behind, springing like a tiger. She screamed, startled. Zoro grabbed her arm and dragged her to her feet. The look in his eyes was lethal. Kuina heard herself let out a faint whimper as he gave her arm a light shake.

"You listen to me," he growled. "You're not a kid anymore. So stop playing around like one."

"Yes." She covered her mouth with her free hand.

"I'm not your game."

"Yes."

He let go of her, shaking his head. "Why did you do that? I swear to god I don't understand your brain sometimes."

Kuina looked away. "Sometimes you just make me feel so..." she paused to search for the right word. "I don't know. You have to have your way."

Zoro blinked. "What kind of a thing to say is that?"

"How come you think you can tell me what to do?" she asked, putting a hand on her hip.

He made a fist. "How come you think it's funny to push me?"

_Because you're mine._

Each stopped and stared at the other, having had the same thought at the same time.  
_  
I am? _

I am not!

You are.

"I am not!" Kuina yelled, out loud. "I'm me! And I hate you sometimes!"

Zoro staggered backwards as though she had punched him in the stomach. "_What_ did you say?"

The girl's fists clenched at her sides, her eyes squeezed tight shut, she seemed to be fighting something off.

"I'm not you!" she shouted. "I'm different!"

Zoro was shocked. "K-kuina." _I don't want you to be me._

She opened her eyes, looking lost. _But what do I want to be?_ "It hurts."

_Oh god._ Zoro looked down, taking a deep breath.

_It's going to be okay._

"Kuina, come here."

_You'll be okay. It just takes time._

Kuina looked like she might push him away, or maybe run away herself. But Zoro stepped forward slowly, with the same kind of cautiousness he might have had approaching a cat up in a tree.

He stretched his hands out and slowly put his arms around her.

She blinked, looking around.

Zoro held her tight, not letting her get free even when she tried to pull away.

_Hey. Kuina. I know it's confusing. But you aren't like me. You can't be like me. You're like you. And you have to figure out for yourself what that means, and who you are. I can't do it for you. But you know, whatever it is that you decide, whoever it is that you find, you will always be mine. And I will always...  
_  
_I'm so afraid, afraid of myself. I'm all alone, and I have to invent everything on my own. I'm a woman now and I don't even know what that is. I have to make it up by myself with just my own memories. You're all I have, but that's the worst part. I see you growing away from me. There are things you can't tell me now, pain in your eyes you don't want to share. And if you leave me, what will I be? But, Zoro, even if you leave me, even if you forget me, I will always..._

_Always..._

Zoro held Kuina tighter, feeling his eyes grow misty.

"I'll walk you home."

"Yes."

_Always...  
_


	3. desire

**unspoken: desire

* * *

**

The sun was setting. Kuina lay outside in the fields, in front of her house, watching the colors of her sky melt and fade and change. Soft and gentle pink, bright gold, fiery orange. Like a faraway field of flowers.

The breeze stirred around her, and the blades of grass rustled in waves. She closed her eyes and breathed in the warm scent, her favorite smell, the smell of soft green grass. Nothing made her feel more relaxed, more safe. It was easy, laying here, to forget about all of the things you were worried about. To forget about all of the things you were afraid of.

Here she was just part of everything else.

A little white flower caught her eye, bobbing in the wind near her face. It was tiny, but pretty, shaped like a small cup with curled petals. She smiled at the flower. There were no other flowers around that she could see. It was kind of like her. All alone.

She wondered what flowers thought about, if they had thoughts. This one was so small and fragile, but it seemed to hang on bravely in the evening breeze, standing upright. Why? What was the point of being a flower?

Petals, leaves, pollen. Letting out a sweet scent.

Movement caught Kuina's eye and suddenly a bee was there, landing on the petals, peeking inside. The bee danced back and forth, pollinating, reaching inside with quick and business-like movements. A flap of its shimmering wings made the flower shake lightly. The bee flew away, made a slow circle, and then lighted again on the white petals. She watched, unmoving, as the bee drank its fill of the flower's nectar, burying itself deep inside the flower's center.

She felt her cheeks growing warm remembering solemn little talks from her childhood, about what happened between a man and a woman. And this was not unlike that. Yet always before she had had an uncomfortable feeling when thinking about it. But now...

If it was as beautiful as a bee and a flower...

She put a hand to her breast, wondering.

Would it be nice? To be a flower? To be tasted and enjoyed?

Would... he like it?

What would he be like? What would he do?

Kuina closed her eyes, feeling her face warm as she pondered. The sky above glowed pink and violet, the stars growing brighter as the last rays of the sun faded. The moon was visible high above, waxing full. Faraway birdsong drifted across the expanse of the sky, traveling on the wind.

"Zoro," she murmured aloud, just the hear the sound of it. "Zoro."

"What?"

Kuina's eyes opened wide in fear and shock. "Zoro?"

He was standing aside, his arms folded across his broad chest. He looked angry with her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked. "I didn't hear you."

He looked like he wanted to return the question, but refrained. "Kuina."

Her face felt hot, and so did her body, yet under his scrutiny, the heat grew even worse.

"I..."

He looked away. "You... don't look well."

She put a hand to her cheek. "I don't feel well."

"You should go back inside."

Kuina bit her lip, looking up at him. "I..."

She gazed up at him, with hope in her eyes. The image of him picking her up and carrying her home crossed her mind and her heart beat faster in response. And when they got inside, maybe he would bring her to her room...

"No." He cut her off, sharply. "Go back inside. I have to go."

"Zoro, wait." Her cheeks flushed and she opened her mouth to protest.

But he was gone.


	4. fears

**unspoken: fears**

* * *

  
  
Zoro did not come back. Kuina waited every day for him, even went looking up the road for him, but he did not return. She wanted to know what he was doing, but he seemed to have cut her off. She didn't know where he was, could not sense or see him.  
  
It was like going blind.  
  
He was trying to kill her.  
  
  


* * *

  
Outside the house, thick black clouds cloaked the moon, hiding the stars. The night sky felt thick and oppresive. No wind, no sounds of stirring. Just pressure, the weight and mass of the clouds hanging low over the houses and the fields.  
  
She lay on the tatami, in the front room. The fire in the stove had gone out and she watched the smoke rise from the ashes, not moving. She didn't even feel like blinking but it somehow happened anyway.  
  
She had lost track of time, forgotten how many days or weeks it had been. She looked over at the place he used to sit by the fire.   
  
When they were younger still, she always offered him a cushion, like a good hostess, the way her mother had taught her once. But little Zoro had always refused, claiming that a real man doesn't need a cushion. He would kneel there in seiza like some kind of monk paying his pennance.   
  
It had always made Kuina laugh to see him doing so, gritting his teeth. He was so determined, a rock-headed little boy who would never give in. He would clench his fists until his knuckles turned white, trying to stand the cramping in his little legs. And Kuina would try again, to give him the cushion to sit on. And again he would refuse.  
  
Just once, she had snuck over and pushed him, making him topple over like a rock. As the blood rushed back to his legs, he bit his lip and tried not to yowl from the pain. And she had laughed, laughed, laughed. That was one of the first times she had really, truly laughed.   
  
_He was so much fun._  
  
His favorite spot to sit was just to the left of the fire, turned so that it warmed his back and his right arm, which was often sore. It was easy to imagine him there right now. Sitting back with his legs kicked out in front of him, looking lazy as he gazed around the room.  
_  
Oh, god, I miss him._  
  
She licked her dry lips. It had been awhile since she had bothered to eat or drink. It was mostly a charade anyway. She didn't want to forget what it was like to do so.  
  
_Zoro, where are you? Why are you doing this to me?_  
  
She closed her eyes and bit her lip. She had an idea why. It must have been bad... for her to think about him, the way she had been. He must be angry about that. But she hadn't meant for him to know! It wasn't like she was asking him for anything... She couldn't help her own feelings, could she?   
  
Could she?  
  
Apparently Zoro thought so. And whatever it was he thought, she knew he wouldn't give up. He would not come back. Whatever he decided, he stuck to it, even when it caused him pain. Like the cushion. And maybe he expected the same from her.  
  
She put a hand to her forehead, remembering the way his eyes glowered down at her in disapproval. He had seemed so bothered by it. Did her feelings bother him? Did she bother him?  
  
A tear slipped down Kuina's cheek.  
  
  
And outside the house, droplets began to fall from the black sky.  
  
  
  
  
  


* * *

**Translation & Notes:**  
  
seiza- formal sitting position which can be really painful after about 5 minutes. No, make that like, 3.   
  
  
  
  
  



	5. hunger

**unspoken: hunger **

* * *

  
A black shape against the moon,  
  
three blades ready for a kill.  
  
A tiger on the hunt,  
  
having caught the scent  
  
a sweet and heady scent...  
  
Senses   
  
excited by the nearness of fresh blood.  
  
A tiger   
  
ready to devour   
  
Its unsuspecting prey.  
  
  
  


* * *

  
  
The shadows shifted, and Kuina stirred in her sleep. The moonlight glowed through the rice-paper windows, illuminating her visage with a pearly white glow. Outside the leaves rustled, windchimes letting out a sound of alert... but they did not wake her. Her tearstained cheeks seemed ghostly pale in the darkness, deep lines of sadness etched under her eyes.  
  
Lonely and hurting. Empty.  
  
He crept into her house, moving towards her bedroom, intent on her. He could sense her presence, feel her. Her smell. He just wanted... just a... a taste. Of her.  
  
Inside her room he paused, letting his eyes adjust to the darkness. He spied her, her futon laid out rather sloppily, her blankets by now mussed from her tossing and turning. Her pillow had slipped out from under her dark head, leaving her neck resting at an uncomfortable angle. She shifted uneasily and her arm slid to the mattress, allowing a glimpse of the parted neckline of her yukata.  
  
Pale, silken skin. Like the moon. It whetted his appetite. He was hungry and he was going to have his meal. He had been starving himself for weeks. And now he was caving in, feeling himself driven mad by his own will.  
  
_Don't you know, little girl...?   
  
Don't you know who watches over you when you sleep at night, unaware?  
  
Don't you know who's been waiting for you?  
  
Like a blade being sharpened, over many years. A blade being sharpened, intended for you.  
  
Don't you know how mad you drive me?  
  
Don't you know, little girl...?  
  
__You're not a little girl anymore._  
  
Tiger's eyes were upon her as she slept, glowering in the darkness. Her every breath, each rise and fall of her chest. Every unconscious movement, committed to memory. Carved into his mind. Trying to capture the pleasure of just being near her, the action desirable even in its near futility. like trying to catch a scent in a jar. Beautiful and foolish at the same time. Soothing and painful.   
  
He watched over his own heartache, and the cure to it, as she slept. Peaceful in her slumber, unburdened by the weight she carried as such. His thoughts played off of each other, grinding against each other as he comtemplated her. His patience was growing dangerously thinner. But he did not know what he needed to continue... he did not know what kept him from continuing.  
  
He stayed as long as he dared, until the morning light threatened to reveal him. And when the rays of dawn came over the hills, bringing day to the room, he disappeared, like an apparition. It was not real. It could never be real.   
  
Could it?   
  
  
He longed for a duel. An even match.  
  
A one-sided duel was not a duel. Both participants must be aware, must put their all into fighting. A match meant that there would be a balance struck, and in the balance the strengths and weaknesses would find each other and complete themselves. Fulfillment found in the perfect opponent, one to struggle against and with endlessly. The struggle of two who wanted the struggle equally and who placed equal value on the battle, would give their lives to fight. A struggle must be life and death or it was not a struggle, it was a mere game.  
  
And there was no time for games. No time to waste playing around. It had to be serious, it had to be high-stakes, all or nothing.   
  
There was no other way he would have it.  
  
And now...  
  
He needed to see if it was time.  
  
He thought back to the night he had happened upon her lying in the grass. The moment he had arrived in the village he could feel it on the air. The sky a dark rose, deep burgundy, the air heavy and warm, carrying a drowsy sensation. A gentle breeze, like a stolen caress, drifted around him.   
  
But what had been most striking was the heavy scent in the air. It was like that of full-blown wild roses, or lilies grown heavy with their own petals, about to fall apart under the weight of their own nectar. Sickly-sweet, heady and alluring. Tempting him forward, pushing him onward... he wanted to taste the air, to touch and hold the flower and bring it against his face, breathe deeply of that fragrance.  
  
He had wandered out into the fields, his brain numbed by the sense that he was being led to somewhere he wanted to go.  
  
And as he peered through the sweet-smelling rushes...  
  
"Zoro..."  
  
The sound of her sweet voice, dripping with desire. Desire she didn't yet understand. Her soft, yearning tone, asking for him, calling out to be tended to.  
  
Realization shot through his body like a bolt of lightning. And his body instantly responded, making him feel the worst sensation he could possibly have felt at that moment. Out-of-control.   
  
The urge to show her exactly what it was she was asking for gripped him like an iron-clad fist. The urge to have that innocence, to take that sweet ardor. She was asking, offering. She was willing. And his body was extending an answer to the invitation.  
  
Her soft, blushing lips parted again, crying out to him. "Zoro...!"  
  
And then he saw that her eyes were closed, tight shut. Lost in herself, she did not see him, did not know he was there. She had not been speaking to him.  
  
Suddenly he felt extremely foolish. Her willingness, her readiness, was pretend.  
  
But his was not.  
  
And he became angry with himself, for giving into the urges that easily. He was weak after all. Weak against himself...  
  
He took out his anger on her and regretted it now. It wasn't her fault. Nothing was. But at the same time, a question had been raised. A possibility existed.  
  
He remembered the sweet, ripe smell of a blooming rose, heated by the sun. Was she...  
  
He needed to know.  
  
It needed to be spoken.  
  
  
And he would not rest until he got his answer.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Owari...  
  
  
  
  



End file.
